Forgiveness

There are those life moments. Someone shows you themselves. Someone you’ve trusted for years has become someone else and someone you thought would stay has decide to settle elsewhere.

I’ve battled with forgiveness for awhile. I’ve stayed angry, hurt, bitter and desired to take matters into my own hands and help the “reaping and sowing” process find its way.

Through this warring of forgiveness and unforgiveness you get tired and reflect, ponder for truth.

I had always thought forgiveness meant forgetting and if the forgetting didn’t happen well, my forgiveness was flawed. I had always thought forgiveness was about the doer of the wrong and less about me.

I’ve warred in mind and spirit for real resolve.

Forgiveness is more about me and less about the other person.

Forgiveness is a process but deeming someone unforgivable is much easier, seems to offer up some silent vindication for the wrong done.

Forgiveness is for my freedom.

My freedom from bitterness, hatred, coldness, anger, and desire for recompose.

All of these emotions are chains.

All of those emotions will bind us to sleepless nights and bleeding days.

All of those emotions can outgrow the best of us and destroy our spirits. Those emotions will never affect the doer of the act, no matter how many fights, talks, texts or gossip,

none of those emotions will ever reach inside the other person and bring redemption, the most they will do is destroy you, handicap the soul and turn all that is good to dust.

These emotions over time will wrap their chains around and drag you through illness and deserted streets no matter how busy they seem, to you they will be empty.

Forgiveness will allow the reaping and sowing process to have a perfect work on the person(s) that have done the ill deed. At some point the enemy that resides within themselves will turn and devour what’s left of them. Forgiveness would rather see all of that bring redemptions to the one in need. We all deal with trauma that cause us to act and react.

This day I chose to forgive despite the warring in my emotions. I will war to forgive and allow all that reaps and sows to have a work in you and free you.

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And then you wake up

You will awaken to the truth of words and the world be different.

The smallest of words that carry the biggest meaning will be empty, neglected and starved, what’s real has been given over to the flesh.

Your breath will be lost because you see it was never really about you,

replaced,

disconnected

you close your eyes so you no longer see.

The words will return to bargain,

phrases that never sleep

to lure you back into its own brokenness.

**image taken from the video, until it sleeps.”

Who does government work for?

“Every politician should have to live on the same streets their polices loom over.”

Those running for office will say,

“Who does government work for?!”

The answer has proven itself over the years, government works best for the politicians.

Politicians exempt themselves from

stagnant wages,

mandated healthcare

rationed meals

rationed medications

walking to work because the car broke down and there’s not enough to fix it despite the fact that someone works 2-3 jobs,

exempt from the true effects of a corrupt economic system whether that be capitalism or socialism,

despite the fact that someone works 2-3 jobs and still needs to go to the food pantry, a political figure running for the presidential office will never be so affected by stagnant wages that they need to stand in line at a food pantry,

exempt from hunger,

using a stove to heat a small area in the kitchen

boil water on a stove to bathe because stagnant wages have made it impossible to keep up with rising costs.

So who does government work for? The government itself.

Picture: Bridgeport CT-local paper

Forsaken

The streets for the working poor

have cast shadows upon the mind.

Daemons clothed in flesh gesture,

the joker entices

pavement turns to opium

abandoned structures flow through

coursed veins.

In between dreams

In between dreams

I realized I was asleep.

Personal moments

Last night for Bradley’s graduation gift I got him a journal. This morning he just kind of sat on the couch and said:

“I’m kind of tired Beth. I decided last night to use this journal to write my story. My life’s story, I wanna put everything in there from school to boiling water on the stove to wash up. I wanna do what you did, will you help me? If you can do that so can I. I don’t want my life to keep being like this, when I write or draw it’s like my life just comes out and I feel better. People should know why kids like me feel like there’s no hope, get mad, act wrong and just don’t care. You made me see there’s another way, if you can do this with nothing, why can’t I? I’m gonna work on this and show you when I’m done and you can help me.”

I told Bradley yes, I would love to hear his story, how it makes him feel and help him to format the whole thing.

This striving was never solely about me. This striving has always been about so much more. Trying to show, do what no one else will do, get up at 7am every morning to make it work, realize you are your biggest product, stay up when the world decides to sleep and when you feel like stopping push because all that manifestation of hard work is right around the corner.

Hope in the true sense of the word is unable to fail.

That’s who all of this has been for, the hungry, the hopeless, those caught in structured prison walls propped up by our own leaders, for those who thirst beyond themselves, for those looked down upon, for the kids who have to glue their sneakers together and share a single packet of oatmeal, for the kids who skip dinner simply because the worker is being stripped of disposable income.

Someone asked me why I didn’t charge more for the book. It has been mentioned that my $$ would be so much greater. My response: how can I charge more? For those I’ve written for, I would be nothing more then the greed and gluttony I speak against. Like everyone else I have my own bottles but If I know and do that anyways, I then become the thing I hate.

I have had ppl express that the amazon price was to expensive but would still love a copy of the book, I do my best to accommodate that request.