My hometown

I remember it well, standing in the church listening to Jesse Jackson speak about unity and the kkk.
We sat and prepared ourselves to take a stand against the klan, you could hear them outside, waiting for us to come out and walk to the town hall.
After being told how to handle everything the doors to the church opened and we made our way down the steps.
The klan was there, microphone and speaker standing unified, yelling things I won’t repeat on this post.
We walked by them, never spoke, never blinked, never uttered a word. We made our way to the town hall to peaceful stand.
I vividly remember growing up with the klan ever present in my town. I lived very close to the down town area and would run down the street to the record store but would always slow down nearing the corner, the klan would be there standing and handing out pamphlets trying to get ppl to join.
I remember how they made me feel, scared. Always being instructed by my parents and grandmother to never take anything from them. I would say no but they would insist, I would get far enough away and fling it.
I remember holding my grandmothers hand walking to jimmy’s near the railroad station, the klan was there and she told me, “don’t flinch, don’t look at them and don’t entertain demons. Just walk right through them.”
My grandmother would be proud of the progress made in this town.
The klan was a fixture here, I would watch them drive those big black Cadillacs into the cemetery for what I don’t know.
I remember how they would gather in groups up town and downtown, I remember the skin heads being around.
I remember Jesse Jackson coming back to help us again, I remember the heightened emotions this time, the words of disgust being spoken to them, one persons even pulled the hood off of a klan memeber.
I remember Matthew Hale coming and speaking.
I remember all of this well. I know the reputation of this town, I know what people say but I would hope people would take into account the battle that went on to break away from them, push them out of this town.
People may tell you that there hasn’t been much of this in the past but there has been and I tell you that to also say that we have truly come far.
People may tell you that there is still open kkk meetings but in all honesty I haven’t seen or heard of any.
People have spoken about burning Wallingford down, I would hope people would take a moment to understand the fight that went on to push the klan out, to bring in more diversity, to stand against racism, and to progress as a town. Is there still racism in this town, yes.
I remember the growing up with the klan in this town and I remember the battle that went on to push them out and silence their open meetings.
There are some good people here that have fought agansit the klan and helped Wallingford to progress.
Many have stood against the klan in this town, there was no hashtags, or live feeds just people standing for the rights of others to live without fear.

Will be back soon

Sorry for my lack of posts. I’ve been working a covid19 unit and have been pretty busy. I’m grateful for my crew. I will say this about covid19, this is a very real virus. When I have time I watch both the left and right use this virus for themselves, both sides are trying so hard to disprove the other, trying to make a name for themselves by being the first to point out a falsehood. Both sides are doing exactly what they accuse the other side of. Please remember there are people recovering, there are those who require more intensive care and there those who will have this virus self resolve itself. I will be writing periodically as my hours will be much longer this week. I wish you all the best stay rational, and stay well! Much love and respect to all of you!

Take a moment

One thing I’ve learned about fear;
Fear creates a response/reaction similar to its own seed.
Fear will cause
Flight.
Paralysis = non reaction or denial to an extreme.
Fight.
You can look back months from now and realize you’ve reacted solely out fear without rational thought and now your regretful for
behaviors,
judgments,
not conversing with someone,
leaving someone alone to long,
failing to take steps that put you in the direction of you want.
I could go on but you get the point.
Fear now in this moment can cause you to feel your life is worth more than another’s life but what makes a life more valuable are any of really that much more important than the other.
The hand apart from the arm can’t function.
The housekeeper scrubbing tirelessly to keep disinfect a hospital, the check clerks and the grocery store ringing you out, the ppl who stock the shelves.
Point is fear can lead us to places of superiority but none of us can survive without the other(not well anyways). The CEO of a hospital, board members who place themselves in comfortable positions, very few will take the floors and care for those affected. These upper tiers of management wouldn’t have much If those on the frontlines weren’t their to care for others well, despite age, color, nationality, gender, beliefs or deeds. No matter how contagious someone is the ones on the top tiers will not be taking care of you, filling your baskets, sticking your shelves, delivering your food or disinfecting your walls. The most this top tier will do is demand more output from their staff, more multitasking, working harder without bonuses, without pats on the back, without raises, without thank you’s.
In ending don’t let fear cause you to mistreat someone. Treat those around you the way you’d like to be treated. What would you want someone to do for you?
Walk through your day rationally, kindly, patiently and try to understand the cashier checking you out has probably been standing at that cash register for hours, tired and just has afraid as you. The nurse, the doctor, the nurses aide is probably exhausted and is nervous about new admissions coming in, and will be pulling long hours, take a moment to just understand.
Take a moment today to breathe and reflect.

What has beautiful become

Beauty isn’t found in painted nails, colored hair,

trimmed hair,

a body,

virtual relationships that mimic what the normal is,

artificial expressions,

high end jobs,

titles or clothing trends.

Beauty is found when you show your scars,

take the hand of a stranger and help lead the way,

sit by the poor and see true richness,

being you unapologetically in a world that mimics what’s around them,

doing a good deed that doesn’t require a like button or a live stream, saying only what you mean,

giving empathy,

taking accountability in a world that would rather pass blame,

striving to heal rather then bandaid yourself and project hurt onto another,

being loyal,

smiling without a camera,

stop kissing ass and selling out one another for seat with those we feel are powerful,

stop making decisions that cause you to not be yourself and blame another,

stop laying down what lives and breathes for what is an artificial existence.

If our cameras only took snap shots of our soul, of our intentions, and no longer took a picture of flesh and bone, would you still post this on social media?

Thoughts from a journal

Personal thoughts from my writings..

I’ve seen so many memes,

quotes and status that say, “life is to short to hold onto bitterness, grudges, hurts and angers.”

True but these are real created emotions and ignoring them will serve no purpose, ignored emotions will only cause them to resurface later.

Let’s take another look at this meme.

Life is not only to short to serve such emotions.

Life is not only to short to ignore these emotions,

life is to short to create these emotions in someone else’s life.

Life is to short for someone to serve emotions, such as self pleasure that creates

in someone’s life,

reactions that are nothing more then how someone was made to feel.

As a humanity we need to learn how to better care for one another, treat one another, creating a different reflection/reaction of self.

Ex – if I create anger in someone’s life, that anger is nothing more then a reflection of how I treated or cared for someone. That anger is a reflection of me not of themselves.

As a humanity we can do better, we can create better.

We may not all agree but we can all find a middle ground to work from.

-Namaste my friends 💜

Heal

I had written this for someone but sometimes we all need to hear this. After reading all the way through.

Read again but only the words with * next to them. Originally posted on Facebook and was unable to italicize the words…

Heal….

If people choose to leave you, let them.

*Your*

reaction should be

grounded.

If people choose to treat you like less of person, let them.

*Worth*

is found within.

If people choose to discard you, let them.

*More*

People who truly

love and appreciate you

will have a clearer path.

If people lie to you, let them

*To*

force a lie to the light will fail.

That lie will be found by its own actions. Be still.

If people make you feel guilty for a well deserved reaction because of the wrong they’ve done, let them.

*Someone,*

will be there to bring vindication. Let it not be you.

If people are to busy to keep a relationship going, let them go.

*And that*

action will someday bear its own fruit, and they will feel all you’ve felt. So be kind but keep moving.

If people say they never meant to hurt you but hurt you anyway, let them. You see them now.

If someone doesn’t want to hurt you they simply won’t. Believe what they show you.

*Someone*

will help to guide you back and you will mend.

If people act careless with your emotions and heart, let them go.

Don’t hold onto someone who is willing to lose you. They’ve moved on and let go, now it

*Should be you.*

Heal…

Breadcrumbs

Breadcrumbs

You will awaken to the truth of words and the world be different.

The smallest of words that carry the biggest meaning will be empty, neglected and starved.

What is real will be given over to the flesh.

Your breath will be lost because you see it was never really about you

replaced

forgotten,

so you close your eyes so you no longer see.

The words will return to bargain

phrases that never sleep,

breadcrumbs

to lure you back into its own brokenness.

Forgiveness

There are those life moments. Someone shows you themselves. Someone you’ve trusted for years has become someone else and someone you thought would stay has decide to settle elsewhere.

I’ve battled with forgiveness for awhile. I’ve stayed angry, hurt, bitter and desired to take matters into my own hands and help the “reaping and sowing” process find its way.

Through this warring of forgiveness and unforgiveness you get tired and reflect, ponder for truth.

I had always thought forgiveness meant forgetting and if the forgetting didn’t happen well, my forgiveness was flawed. I had always thought forgiveness was about the doer of the wrong and less about me.

I’ve warred in mind and spirit for real resolve.

Forgiveness is more about me and less about the other person.

Forgiveness is a process but deeming someone unforgivable is much easier, seems to offer up some silent vindication for the wrong done.

Forgiveness is for my freedom.

My freedom from bitterness, hatred, coldness, anger, and desire for recompose.

All of these emotions are chains.

All of those emotions will bind us to sleepless nights and bleeding days.

All of those emotions can outgrow the best of us and destroy our spirits. Those emotions will never affect the doer of the act, no matter how many fights, talks, texts or gossip,

none of those emotions will ever reach inside the other person and bring redemption, the most they will do is destroy you, handicap the soul and turn all that is good to dust.

These emotions over time will wrap their chains around and drag you through illness and deserted streets no matter how busy they seem, to you they will be empty.

Forgiveness will allow the reaping and sowing process to have a perfect work on the person(s) that have done the ill deed. At some point the enemy that resides within themselves will turn and devour what’s left of them. Forgiveness would rather see all of that bring redemptions to the one in need. We all deal with trauma that cause us to act and react.

This day I chose to forgive despite the warring in my emotions. I will war to forgive and allow all that reaps and sows to have a work in you and free you.